新教对夫妻情感的要求与变迁

简而言之，近代早期人们所强调的夫妻情感其实更像是指一种夫妻情分，它最重要的内涵是指夫妻要共同承担一系列相互的义务与责任，首先是互惠，然后惠及家庭、国家与教会。

布塞尔认为婚姻的终极目的不是性，也不是子女，而是以最大仁爱来互相承担责任。真正虔诚的婚姻应该包含以下四个要素，即共同生活（除非依据神意暂时的分离），给予对方最深厚的爱，丈夫领导和保护妻子、妻子帮助丈夫，互不亏欠、履行婚债。如果不能满足这些要求，那么就不是真正的婚姻，双方也不存在真正的夫妻关系。他说，同意、尊重与情谊是婚姻的黏合剂。^[57]

可见，这种夫妻情感不同于一般的男女性爱，而是指一种互相的有利于双方、有利于家庭和社会的责任。在这一时期英国的一些思想家尤其是清教徒对夫妻责任与义务的论述颇丰，下面就来看在他们眼中夫妻到底需要共同履行哪些义务与责任。

托马斯·培根认为一个称职的丈夫应该履行四个职责。首先，他要像爱自己一样爱自己的妻子，爱她甚于爱任何其他人。其次，他要对妻子忠诚，不能与任何其他女人有染，也不要垂涎其他女人，而且连看都不要看，想都不要想。第三，他要供养家庭。第四，他要宽容妻子的过错。妻子应该服从丈夫，承认丈夫的权威，爱丈夫，这种爱不是出于肉欲之欢、外貌、财富、力量、出身等外在因素，而是出于对上帝旨意的服从，因为上帝命令妻子要爱丈夫，要勤勉理家，要耐心地默默地忍受丈夫一些不好的地方，对他的错误加以掩饰，而不能到处嚼舌。^[58]

多德和克利弗的《虔诚之家政》一书认为丈夫的职责有三个，即与妻子生活在一起；善待妻子；像对待自己的身体一样，像基督爱教会一样，爱妻子，珍惜她，滋养她。作为妻子则应该尊重和服从丈夫，并且服饰要得体。^[59]

惠特利在其《婚姻丛林》中将婚姻的职责分为根本职责和非根本职责，违背前者则解除了婚姻纽带，违背后者虽不能导致离婚，但会给婚姻带来不幸。他所说的根本职责是指，首先，夫妻在身体上的忠诚，任何一方都不能与第三者发生性关系，其次，就是要以合宜之份对待对方，即履行婚债。非根本职责中首当其冲的就是爱，彼此要忠诚与互助，其次是供养和管理家庭。^[60]

威廉·古奇的《论家庭责任》一书分三个部分论述了夫妻的责任。首先是夫妻共同的责任，然后分别论述为人夫者和为人妻者各自的责任。在他看来，夫妻共同的责任有：贞洁、爱、和平相处、共同生活、祈祷，关心对方的得救、关心对方的身体，在对方需要时给予帮助，互相尊重对方的名声，节俭，关心家庭的管理，在款待他人方面互相帮助。^[61]

从以上阐述中，我们可以得知这一时期所强调的夫妻情感不同于现在我们一般所认识的夫妻之情。首先，这种夫妻之爱不是一般所说的夫妻性爱，在情感上更强调其精神含义。在当时人看来，性与爱是割裂的，爱是指精神之爱，而性则是一种需要偿还的债务。性与爱分别是两种需要履行的婚姻职责。在这一点上，惠特利的观点非常鲜明。他说，爱是婚姻的灵魂，是婚姻的生命，没有了爱婚姻就不再是婚姻，如同尸体不再是人一样。没有爱的生活是不幸的，无异于行尸走肉。婚姻之爱首先是精神上的爱，这种爱应该建立在服从上帝的戒律的基础上，而不是出于美貌、好感、嫁妆、出身等原因。建立在这些不稳固的基础上的爱很容易坍塌，而精神上的爱是不会改变的，因为它建立在敬畏神、服从神意、遵守神的戒律的基础上的，这些基础是不变的，所以这种爱也是不变的。^[62]

其次，在实际生活中，这种夫妻情感不是一种对等的情感。这种不对等体现在两点上：第一，所有的论述无一例外地强调丈夫的权威与妻子的服从；第二，丈夫的重要职责是供养妻子，而妻子则应该爱丈夫。这种不对等一方面体现了男女社会经济地位上的不同，更重要的原因应该是在现存的社会经济条件下，人们对家庭秩序的寻求。

当然无法得知道德家的劝戒在多大程度上付诸了实践。但在一个对婚姻情谊大书特书大谈特谈的社会中，人们完全没有这样的实践也是不可能的。新教要求夫妻双方的性忠诚，不能不反对双重性道德标准。妻子应该对丈夫忠诚，同时丈夫也应该对妻子忠诚。新教反对盲目的狂热的两性之爱，提倡理智的有利于家庭与社会的、建立在互相履行责任与义务基础上的夫妻情分，它不是双方身体上的互相吸引，也不是感情用事的爱，而是互相为对方牺牲。在16世纪，建立在爱与情谊基础上而不是单纯为了传宗接代和家庭利益的婚姻可以防止通奸和离婚，这已经是一种共识。虽然一般而言反对纯粹的感情婚姻，但也不主张冷淡的无爱情的婚姻。不管怎么说，一个社会总会有恩爱夫妻，也会有不幸的婚姻。确定一个社会中的夫妻是否友爱几乎是不可能的，也是没有多大必要的。但是，了解和认识这个社会对夫妻情感的理解和要求无疑应该是有益的。因为，道德家的说教总是会与一定的社会实际有关。正确的生活方式与现实的生活方式之间，理想与现实之间必定存在着互动关系。生活既是创造性的也是适应性的，源于经验的理想，以寓言、规劝和法律的形式表现出来，反过来又可以塑造生活。

【注释】

[1]Todd, Marry. Christian Humanism and the Puritan Order, Cambridge : Cambridge University Press, 1987. p98.

[2]Erasmus. Courtship,1523. in Englander, David(ed). Culture and Belief in Europe 1450-1600 : an anthology of sources, Oxford : Basil Blackwell, 1990. pp55-56.

[3]Ozment, Steven E. When Fathers Ruled: family life in Reformation Europe, Cambridge : Harvard University Press, 1983. pp5-7.

[4]Clair, William St & Maassen, Irmgard(eds). Conduct Literature for Women 1500-1640, v2, London : Pickering & Chatto, 2000, pp8-9.

[5]Carlson, Eric Josef. Marriage and the English Reformation, Oxford : Blackwell, 1994. p114.

[6]Ozment, Steven E. When Fathers Ruled : family life in Reformation Europe, p5.

[7]Vives. Instruction of a Christen Woman, R1, R2, in Clair, William St & Maassen, Irmgard(eds). Conduct Literature for Women 1500-1640, v1, p159, p162.

[8]Thomas Becon. the preface to <the Christen state of matrimony>(1543), A4, in Clair, William St & Maassen, Irmagrd(eds). Conduct Literature for Women 1500-1640, v2, p11.

[9]John Dod & Robert Cleaver, a godly form of household government(1612), G, in Clair, William & Maassen, Irmagrd(eds). Conduct Literature for Women 1500-1640, v3, p126.

[10]Guerra, Anthony J. Family Matters : the role of Christianity in the formation of the western family, New York : Paragon House, 2002. p36.

[11]Thomas Becon. the preface to <the Christen state of matrimony>(1543), A4, in Clair, William & Maassen, Irmagrd(eds). Conduct Literature for Women 1500-1640, v2, p12.

[12]William Whatley, a bride-bush, D, Thompson, Torri L.(ed). Marriage and its Dissolution in Early Modern England, London : Pickering & Chatto, 2005. v4, pp344-345.

[13]Bridenbaugh, Carl. Vexed and Troubled Englishmen, 1590-1642, New York : Oxford University Press, 1968. p30.

[14]Martin Luther. The Babylonian Captivity of the Church. http://www.ctsfw.edu/etext/luther/babylonian/babylonian.htm#6.

[15]Carlson, Eric Josef. Marriage and the English Reformation, Oxford : Blackwell, 1994. p40.

[16]Powell, Chilton Latham. English Domestic Relations, 1487-1653 : a study of matrimony and family life in theory and practice as revealed by the literature, law, and history of the period, New York: Russell & Russell, 1972. p46.

[17]Powell, Chilton Latham. English Domestic Relations, 1487-1653, pp47-49.

[18]Martin Bucer. The Judgement of Martin Bucer, John Milton(trans),1644. C. in Thompson, Torri L. (ed). Marriage and Its Dissolution in Early Modern England, v4, pp379-380.

[19]Powell, Chilton Latham. English Domestic Relations, 1487-1653, p57.

[20]Thomas Becon, the preface to <the Christen state of matrimony>(1543), A4, in Clair, William St & Maassen, Irmgard(eds). Conduct Literature for Women 1500-1640, v2, pp12-15.

[21]Thomas Becon, the preface, B1, in Clair, William St & Maassen, Irmgard(eds). Conduct Literature for Women 1500-1640, v2, p20.

[22]Thomas Becon, the preface to <the Christen state of matrimony> (1543), B4, in Clair, William St & Maassen, Irmgard (eds). Conduct Literature for Women 1500-1640, v2, pp34-35.

[23]Ozment, Steven E. When Fathers Ruled : family life in Reformation Europe, pp3-5.

[24]Sommerville, Margaret R. Sex and Subjection : attitudes to women in early modern society, London : Arnold, 1995. p118.

[25]Ozment, Steven E. When Fathers Ruled : family life in Reformation Europe, p18.

[26]Todd, Marry. Christian Humanism and the Puritan Social Order, p101.

[27]Sommerville, Margaret R. Sex and Subjection : attitudes to women in early modern society, pp122-123.

[28]Fudge, Thomas A. "Incest and Lust in Luther's Marriage : Theology and Morality in Reformation Polemics.", Sixteenth Century Journal, XXXIV/2(2003). p324.

[29]Yost, John K. "The Reformation Defense of Clerical Marriage in the Reigns of Henry VIII and Edward VI.", Church History, 50(1981). pp153-154.

[30]Parish, Helen L. Clerical Marriage and the English Reformation : precedent policy and practice, London : Ashgate, 2000. pp29-30.

[31]An Act Abolishing Diversity in Opinions, 1539. St.31 Hen.VIII, C.14, in Douglas, David C.(ed). English Historical Documents v5, London & New York : Routledge, 1996. pp815-817.

[32]Carlson, Eric Josef. Marriage and the English Reformation, p64.

[33]Parish, Helen L. Clerical Marriage and the English Reformation : precedent policy and practice, p28.

[34]Haigh, Christopher. Reformation and Resistance in Tudor Lancashire, London : Cambridge University Press, 1975. p179, p181.

[35]Bjorklund, Nancy Basler. "A Godly Wyfe Is an Helper : Matthew Parker and the Defense of Clerical Marriage", Sixteenth Century Journal, XXXIV/2(2003). p354.

[36]Prior, Mary. Reviled and Crucified marriages : the position of tudor bishop's wives, in Prior, Mary (ed). Women in English Society 1500-1800, London & New York : Routledge, 1985. p125.

[37]Parish, Helen L. Clerical Marriage and the English Reformation : precedent policy and practice, p189.

[38]Haigh, Christopher. Reformation and Resistance in Tudor Lancashire, p178, p181.

[39]Carlson, Eric Josef. Marriage and the English Reformation, p60.

[40]Parish, Helen L. Clerical Marriage and the English Reformation : precedent policy and practice, pp232-233.

[41]Carlson, Eric Josef. Marriage and the English Reformation, p63.

[42]Haigh, Christopher. Reformation and Resistance in Tudor Lancashire, p182.

[43]Haigh, Christopher. Reformation and Resistance in Tudor Lancashire, p240.

[44]Bjorklund, Nancy Basler. "A Godly Wyfe Is an Helper : Matthew Parker and the Def ense of Clerical Marriage.", Sixteenth Century Journal, XXXIV/2(2003). p352, p358.

[45]Carlson, Eric Josef. Marriage and the English Reformation, p65.

[46]Johnson, James T. "The Covenant Idea and the Puritan View of Marriage.", Journal of the History Ideas, Vol.32, No.1, (1971). p108, n6.

[47]An homily of the state of matrimony, in Clair, William St & Maassen, Irmgard(eds). Conduct Literature for Women, v2, p348.

[48][英]托马斯·莫尔著《乌托邦》，戴镏龄译，北京：商务印书馆1982年版，第89页。

[49]Heinrich Bullinger. The Christen state of matrimony, A4, in Clair, William St & Maassen, Irmgard(eds). Conduct Literature for Women, v2, p44.

[50]Ibid, p46.

[51]Johnson, James T. "English Puritan Thought on the Ends of Marriage.", Church History, Vol.38, No.4(1969). pp429-430.

[52]Johnson, James T. "The Covenant Idea and the Puritan View of Marriage.", Journal of the History Ideas, Vol.32, No.1 (1971). p110.

[53]Johnson, James T. "English Puritan Thought on the Ends of Marriage.", Church History, Vol.38, No.4(1969). pp430-432.

[54]Martin Bucer. the judgement of Martin Bucer, John Milton(trans), E, in Thompson, Torri L.(ed). Marriage and Its Dissolution, v4, p395.

[55]Johnson, James T. "English Puritan Thought on the Ends of Marriage.", Church History, Vol.38, No.4(1969). p432.

[56]Ibid, p430.

[57]Martin Bucer. The Judgement of Martin Bucer, John Milton(trans), E, in Thompson，Torri L.(ed). Marriage and Its Dissolution, v4, p395.

[58]Thomas Becon. catechism, in Clair, William St & Maassen, Irmgard(eds). Conduct Literature for Women, v2, pp269-281.

[59]John Dod & Robert Cleaver, a godly form of household government(1612), G, O4, in Clair, William St & Maassen, Irmgard(eds). Conduct Literature for Women, v3, p124,p243.

[60]William Whately, a bride-bush(1623),B, in Thompson，Torri L.(ed). Marriage and Its Dissolution, v4, p330.

[61]William Gouge, of domestical duties, A4, in Clair, William St & Maassen, Irmgard(eds). Conduct Literature for Women, v5, p91.

[62]William Whately. a bride-bush(1617), B2, in Thompson. Torri L.(ed). Marriage and Its Dissolution, v4, p317.